Lou Dobbs As Winfield Scott?

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In 1846 the United States, under President James K. Polk, cooked up a pretext for war with Mexico. That it was a pretext is not really in doubt. Even many contemporaries, including the young Captain with the odd name of Ulysses, who would, in less than twenty years be the commander of all Union forces in the Civil War, said as much.

At the conclusion of the war, Mexico was quite a bit smaller, and the US was bigger by Arizona, New Mexico, California and parts of a couple of other soon-to-be-states. It was simple, straightforward, no bones about it, imperialism.

It’s time to finish the job.

Let’s face it: all the suggestions for dealing with illegal Mexican immigration are nothing but politics. Stricter enforcement? A big giant fence? Guest worker programs? Come on, get real. On one side of the fence is a thirsty man, and on the other side is the world’s biggest, coldest beer. And here’s the kicker: quite a number of the most influential people on the beer side, want that thirsty Mexican to come across.

There is not a single damn thing you can do to stop illegal Mexican immigration. Nothing . . . Except.

Except complete the conquest of Mexico.

Some countries work out, and some don’t. For a while there was a Troy, and then not so much. There was a Carthage, and then, no, it was pretty well delendead. Italy used to be a hundred different city states and principalities. Does anyone today mourn the passing of the Venetian empire? Nah, no one outside of Venice (and possibly Turkey) remembers there was such a thing. Germany is another example: for centuries what we now think of as Germany was a whole menagerie of duchies and princedoms and then they united to become . . . okay, bad example. The point is, not every country needs to be a country forever. Some countries are just born to be historical losers. And let’s face it, in the category of “winner countries of North America,” Mexico is no Canada.

Mexico has all the natural resources any country could need. And God knows they have the hardest-working population on planet Earth. What they lack is competent government, Protestantism and self-confidence. And here we are with a surplus of the last two.

The Mexican military would have no capacity to resist us. The Mexican people — at least half of whom have spent time in the US or have relatives currently living in the US — would have no conceivable motive for resisting us. We would be met as liberators.

By pushing the borders of the US to the southern Mexico border we could solve our illegal immigration problem once and for all.

Look, we have to be realistic: Mexico is already engaged in a creeping reconquest of lands we stole from them fair and square. It’s us or them, take or be taken. If we don’t blow their leaves, they’ll blow ours. Unless we want the US to be be slowly absorbed into Mexico, the logical, even inevitable solution, is to absorb Mexico into the US. It’s time to finish the job we started 160 years ago. It’s time for Mexico to become the 51st through 55th states.

(cross-posted from The Mighty Middle.)