Politics

I’m Moving To North Korea

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I know, I know…you think this is some sort of lame April fool’s prank.

Well, it’s not. This is 100% real.

It all started last week when I received this rather cryptic email:

—–Original Message—–
From: so-ronery@sabrerattlers.nk
Sent: Saturday, March 24, 2007 10:52 PM
To: Justin Gardner
Subject: Interested In A Career Change?

Justin,

What would it take for you to quit your job and redesign an entire country?

Name your price,
Kim

Needless to say, I was a bit puzzled so I followed up and traded emails with this mysterious “Kim.”

Finally I got a phone number and soon enough I was chatting with Kim Jong-Il himself. And let me just say right now, contrary to popular belief, Kim is quite the cut up. Seriously folks, this is one VERY funny dude. We chewed the fat for hours about movies, television, music, fashion, needlepoint, interior design, stray nukes and…of course…what the hell is going on with Britney Spears.

Anyway, Kim acknowledges that North Korea’s image isn’t all that hot right now, and they need a serious revamp if they have any hopes of attracting business and tourism to the country in the coming years.

Long story short, I was offered the position as Awesomely Supreme Minister of All Things Cultural To Benefit of North Korea. Yeah, the title is a little clunky, but the hope is that in less than a decade we can transform North Korea into the #1 tourist destination in the entire world for cats.

Think I’m crazy? Well, stranger things have happened.

So how do you turn an entire country from a “boring, unhip totalitarian nightmare” (Kim’s words, not mine) into an international hotspot for felines of all stripes? First thing up, Kim and I agreed that the name North Korea had too much baggage. It also didn’t really speak to the cat lover demographic we were targeting.

Yes, time to rename North Korea.

We went back and forth about this. Kim was very attached to “North Pussy” but I convinced him that he’d get a whole different type of crowd with that one. I also tried to convince him that “North” is too “civil war,” but he held firm. Old habits die hard I guess.

So after a few hours we finally decided on a name that we think fits perfectly: North Adorable.

And this is going to be our new flag:

Pretty damn adorable flag, no?

So after hearing the new name and seeing the new flag, what cat lover could resist sending their pets to visit North Adorable?

And seriously, if South Korea changes its name to South Adorable, we’ll take them to World Court so fast it’ll make their head spin. Do not screw with us South Korea!

So what does this mean for Donklephant? Well, there will be some downtime because I’ll be moving this entire month, but I will continue to blog as I always have…only now it will be mostly about cats.

I look forward to being your enemy for a while, but ultimately your first choice for all your feline’s vacation plans.

Love live North Adorable!