A Bleak Look at the New Year

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New Years is usually a time for optimism. But here at Donklephant, we’re committed to discussing both sides of everything. So, for all you pessimists out there, here’s a list for you. It’s Saxo Bank’s outrageous predictions for the coming year. I’ve added my own commentary to spice things up.

1) An Iranian revolution. Because that worked out so well for us the last time.

2) Oil hits $25 barrel. Good for SUV manufacturers, not so great for the world economy. Or that proposed windfall tax.

3) S&P drops to 500. No worries. Retirement is for the indolent.

4) Italy drops Euro. Rest of world hurts brain calculating the Lira again.

5) Australian dollar crashes. But boomerangs and Fosters will be cheaper.

6) Euro will be unstable against U.S. dollar. So? Not like any of us can afford international travel.

7) Chinese GDP growth at 0%. That’ll show them to tie their economy to American greed.

8) Eastern European currencies fail. So it’s not a good time to stock up on Belarusian rubles?

9) Commodities prices plunge. So, really, a mattress with a nice hole in it may be the best investment next year.

10) Chinese Yen becomes currency peg in Asia. Yeah, well, we still have South America.