Music

Chelsea Grin Frontman Breaks Jaw In Three Places

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No, that's not a gay picture

Ouch! I guess someone said the wrong thing to the wrong person, because how else does that happen? Maybe a car or biking accident. Maybe he got drunk and fell? Safe word confusion? I mean, seriously — what happened? Well, it’s funny…the statement provided to Lambgoat doesn’t get into the how, just the whaaaaaaa!

Yes, I first read about this on Lambgoat because the last time I even cared about Chelsea Grin was…well, never. The report says CG throat Alex Koehler busted his jaw “several days ago in Richmond, Virginia, forcing the group to drop off the final week of the Thrash and Burn Tour.”

Understandably, they’d cancel the rest of their shows because the dude’s on, like, 30 different painkillers right now and probably has wires and shit all over his jaw. Dude’s probably drinking out of a straw, and I really feel for him. That sucks shit. I hope you get better soon, duder. Oh wait — his recovery is estimated at more than a month. Damn.

The band’s unedited statement to LG says “Alex suffered a serious injury to his jaw, breaking it in three places. We have came to the decision that we would rather miss these last six shows than to let anyone see us not in full force with our normal line-up.”

They said came…insert Butthead laugh here. So will we ever know what happened? Someone, please…if you know, write me. I need to know what happened to Alex, and I’d like to know the shape of the knuckles of that other dude and what was said. Clear up this mystery, Chelsea Grin! We demand answers or else, we will spread worse rumors every day until the truth comes out.