Business

Alright Corporations, Time To Start Hiring

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Hey there corporations!

Hope all is well. If the news today is any indication, looks like things are going great! Your profits have gone up seven straight quarters and collectively reached a record high.

Here, just take a look at this graph…

Wow! You must be pumped!

Also note that you’ve had to pay fewer taxes on those profits too. Who did that? Not Republicans.

So, aside from the tax cuts, why is this happening? Two words: productivity growth. Doing more with fewer people. It’s a decent strategy, but there’s also a downside. You tire your workers out by making them think that you own them because you’re hanging the high unemployment over their heads as reasons to not give them a raise or hire more people to help support them.

Seriously all…it’s time you did your part too. You all know you can add more people to your workforce, it’s just a matter of slow growth so you don’t have to fire them in six months. Yes, we’re all skittish after our near collapse, but it’s in all of our best interests to get more people working so they can buy more of YOUR stuff, right?

Glad we had this simplistic, yet accurate chat.