Music

Jonny Craig Did Rip People Off; Going To Rehab

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Hilarious

I guess now we know what Jonny Craig did with all the money he scammed out of people…he used the money people sent him for computers he was selling online to buy lots and lots of drugs. And why should we be surprised? If I were in shitty, non-metal bands called Dance Gavin Dance (I mean, why not ask a girl to dance…why Gavin?) and Emarosa, I’d need to be high all the time too.

According to Jonny’s label and management team, Jonny has checked himself into rehab. Hilarious.

Craig has “checked himself into a professional detox treatment facility located in North Hollywood, California. His addiction needed immediate attention and with the help from MusiCares, we were able to make it happen.”

I wonder what his drug of choice was? I’m going to go out on a limb here and say it was either cocaine or meth. And Jonny funded his drug addiction by ripping off his fans.

“Rise Records and Artery Management will reimburse all people who Jonny took advantage of financially. No one will be getting ripped off and we’d all like to issue a public apology to anyone who had been taken advantage of.”

That’s at least nice…that the label will take care of people. I’d like to take this moment to say “Fuck you” to anyone who initially questioned my reportage of Jonny’s felonious activities. Fuck. You.

For Emarosa’s upcoming tour with Chiodos, Tilian Pearson (former vocalist of Tides of Man) will be filling in for Craig. “Everyone from his team wishes Jonny the best in his recovery. We’re all looking forward to the new and improved Jonny.”

Yeah, good luck asshole. Enjoy those withdrawals.