Music

Fred Durst Promises Two New Studio Offerings In 2012

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Fred Durst

Looking back on 2011, Fred Durst can’t be thinking that shit was a banner one. Limp Bizkit released a record no one fucking cared about, and Interscope dropped the band. They booked and then cancelled numerous tours, and Fred just ended up losing more hair and putting on more pounds.

Today, Freddy took to the Webernets to release a statement on Limp Bizkit’s future plans, which include the long-awaited follow-up to their shitbreaking EP The Unquestionable Truth, Part 1.

“LB is joining forces w the unexpected to bring you our best material yet in 2012,” boasts the head Limp dick. “Gold Cobra was for the core and our farewell to the corrupt machine. The Unquestionable Truth pt 2 and Stampede of the Disco Elephants are for the masses in ways which are indescribable through text.”

Lazy son of a bitch. You didn’t even try, did you? I would have loved to have read that description.

“We finally feel like ourselves again with no restraints and boundaries preventing us from being who we truly are as a band. The ride thus far has been nothing less than a true rock and roll journey,” says Fred.

“We are grateful for every moment and bid the most sincere farewell to those we will now leave behind. LB will start releasing new material unethically and affectively as soon as the deals are signed and sealed in January as attorneys start their holiday vacations months before the holidays even begin,” Durst added.

“And btw, our video POOP will finally find its way in its entirety to your eyeballs soon enough.”

Oh gee, I can’t fucking wait.

Man, I figured Limp Bizkit would die with 2011. I figured for sure it was curtains for the Bizkit. But no. Unfortunately, no one buying their record and their longtime label shitcanning them will not deter Limp Bizkit from releasing the best nu metal this side of P.O.D., bitches.

You can’t hold the Bizkit back, it would seem. But you can hold the Bizkit underwater for 20 minutes. Won’t somebody?