Music

Asking Alexandria Singer Wrote A Book

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Probably...

I don’t want to live on this planet anymore.

Anyone with even a modicum of renown can put a book out. Even the snot-nosed 21-year-old singer of a band you can’t stand.

Asking Alexandria frontman Danny Worsnop posted the first introductory pages of his upcoming autobiography, “Am I Insane?,” online yesterday, and all I can say is I am thoroughly disgusted.

I am not the best writer in the world, but I now know who the worst writer in the world is.

Here’s part of his impending tome: “My name is Danny Worsnop. I was born on September 4th, 1990 in Beverly, England. I entered this world kicking and screaming, knowing nothing of how fucking important my being alive was going to be to so many people.”

Is his being alive actually important to anyone? I challenge that statement.

“I grew up as unimportant and insignificant as most in the small village of Gilberdyke (as far north of ‘middle-of- nowhere’ as you can go whilst still being a little south of ‘you’ve- never-heard-of-it’) by my forever supportive parents Philip and Sharon along with my younger sister, Kelly.

“Now, at the age of 21, I have toured the world and sang my songs to enough people to populate a small country. I’ve overcome a cocaine addiction that should’ve killed me and alcoholism that almost did. I’ve loved, lost and loved again. In fact, I’ve fallen in love with almost as many women as I’ve fallen into bed with and we will for now, just file that under the category of ‘HOW MANY?!'”

Fucking braggart.

“So I guess I’m a rockstar, ‘Living the life you can only dream of’ as I once so eloquently put it. Danny Worsnop, the physical embodiment of sex, drugs and… What was that last part again? Rock and roll you say? Well, here’s where things get interesting. You see, I am and always will be, a rock and roller. I am and will from now until my terminal breath, be a rock and roll singer. But my music is not rock and roll, no. The band I ironically am the front and center, high and mighty, plump up my plumage and parade it around for is in every way, a heavy metal band. I am not talking Iron Maiden, AC/DC, Black Sabbath, Ronnie James Dio heavy metal. This is scream till you spit blood, hate everything, fuck the world and burn it’s mother heavy metal.

“At this point you may at this point be wondering what the hell I am doing here….”

No. I am wondering who bankrolled this fucking abortion of the English language.

You are 21, dude. My nut hairs know more than you at this point.